I just had sex thread

Hailey Knight · Jan 2, 2015

Sore jaw. Nice evening.

Krisken · Jan 3, 2015

Zero Esc said:
Sore jaw. Nice evening.

So a fuck was given?

Bowielee · Jan 3, 2015

Zero Esc said:
Sore jaw. Nice evening.

GasBandit · Jan 3, 2015

Specifically the letter BLAHRGLAKRAKGARHAGRLALBBLBARAGHBALRLABLAFRLBAGH!

Hailey Knight · Jan 3, 2015

That pun is atrocious.

"Jor'Elcome." I'm surprised I've never seen that from Nick.

Celt Z · Jan 3, 2015

Zero Esc said:
"Jor'Elcome." I'm surprised I've never seen that from Nick.

Ask him about his prom night. :unibrow:

Jay · Jan 3, 2015

Frank · Jan 3, 2015

So, I'm lying around playing video games last night. I get a text from my girlfriend (who was at home doing reports as far as I knew) that is just two words, "You home?" I reply the truth, "Yes." 30 seconds pass and she comes in to my place, comes downstairs, wordlessly....assaults me and then, when she's getting dressed she just says, "I really needed that, I need to go home and finish work. Bye."

If it wasn't so rad, I'd feel used.

Mathias · Jan 3, 2015

Kids are the biggest damn cock-blocks!

Cornered wife in the bedroom. We locked the door. Sexy time commences. Not 5 minutes go by, and the doorknob is rattling like there are goddamn Raptors outside. "What are you doing in there?" "Mom, can we have something to drink." "Mom, Dad? Hello?"

GO THE FUCK DOWNSTAIRS FOR 20 DAMN MINUTES YOU MONSTERS!

Officer_Charon · Jan 3, 2015

Had that just the other day. Except it was the 11 month old wandering into the room.... riiiiiiiight after we both finished. Thought the door had been better secured.

Bumble the Boy Wonder · Jan 3, 2015

Officer_Charon said:
Had that just the other day. Except it was the 11 month old wandering into the room.... riiiiiiiight after we both finished. Thought the door had been better secured.

Could've been worse. Could've been juuuuuust as you finished

Mathias · Jan 3, 2015

Bumble the Boy Wonder said:
Could've been worse. Could've been juuuuuust as you finished

Instant shrinkage.

Celt Z · Jan 3, 2015

This is why we save "sexy time" for nap time and post-bedtime.

Mathias · Jan 3, 2015

Oh this shit is coming back full circle when they're teenagers. Once they get the gist of the birds and bees, I'm explaining that a hat on the door means I'm plowing their mom, and to stay the hell out.

HCGLNS · Jan 3, 2015

Daughter "Daddy what doing to Mommy?"
And you know that ol'Hobo was so smart and so slick he thought up a lie and he thought it up quick!

"Hugging her."

"Oh dats nice Daddy can I hug her too?"

Dei · Jan 3, 2015

Once when my son was two, he wandered into our room, climbed into our bed, and obliviously fell back asleep. I started laughing. My husband was extremely annoyed that I could do nothing else but laugh.

PatrThom · Jan 3, 2015

Mathias said:
Oh this shit is coming back full circle when they're teenagers. Once they get the gist of the birds and bees, I'm explaining that a hat on the door means I'm plowing their mom, and to stay the hell out.

Especially if the hat is quaking on the doorknob like there's a T-Rex chasing the house.

--Patrick

Cajungal · Jan 3, 2015

Mathias said:
Oh this shit is coming back full circle when they're teenagers. Once they get the gist of the birds and bees, I'm explaining that a hat on the door means I'm plowing their mom, and to stay the hell out.

Then they'll start cheering you on for a new baby brother or sister.

Officer_Charon · Jan 3, 2015

Cajungal said:
Then they'll start cheering you on for a new baby brother or sister.

Our families were apparently veeeeery different.

Jay · Jan 5, 2015

Cajungal · Jan 5, 2015

Officer_Charon said:
Our families were apparently veeeeery different.

My little brother was outnumbered. He was always pestering mom for a brother. Wasn't sure what that entailed yet, though.

Bowielee · Jan 10, 2015

So... yeah. Date last night went REAAAAAALY well.

Frank · Jan 20, 2015

To steal a joke that's been stolen about 11000 times before GotG stole it, house is gonna look like a Jackson Pollock painting before the 26th rolls around.

Bowielee · Jan 20, 2015

Successful date number 2 accomplished.[DOUBLEPOST=1421786312,1421785776][/DOUBLEPOST]I may be in trouble. This guy I've been seeing is pretty much like someone reached into my head and plucked out every single thing I find sexy and made him to order. He's also a sweetheart of a guy who owns his own business.

Chad Sexington · Jan 20, 2015

Bowielee said:
Successful date number 2 accomplished.[DOUBLEPOST=1421786312,1421785776][/DOUBLEPOST]I may be in trouble. This guy I've been seeing is pretty much like someone reached into my head and plucked out every single thing I find sexy and made him to order. He's also a sweetheart of a guy who owns his own business.

Hm... Made to order... I've seen enough movies to know he's a spy who's been parachuted into your life in order to steal vital information, or get close to an assassination target.

fade · Jan 20, 2015

Maybe he's a robot designed for deep space travel.

Cheesy1 · Jan 20, 2015

fade said:
Maybe he's a robot designed for deep space travel.

Frank · Jan 20, 2015

Bowielee said:
Successful date number 2 accomplished.[DOUBLEPOST=1421786312,1421785776][/DOUBLEPOST]I may be in trouble. This guy I've been seeing is pretty much like someone reached into my head and plucked out every single thing I find sexy and made him to order. He's also a sweetheart of a guy who owns his own business.

You're getting honeydicked!

Bowielee · Jan 20, 2015

Honestly... for you guys, imagine that Scarlett Johansen turned out to be totally into you. That's what it's like for me.

It's crazy to me. he thinks I'm adorable, the poor daft bastard.

Bubble181 · Jan 20, 2015

Well, enjoy it while it lasts. Perhaps you were Gandhi in your previous life and karm's finally catching up? Or perhaps vice versa. Or, you know, maybe you're everything he ever wanted, too. Don't overthink, enjoy

Ravenpoe · Jan 20, 2015

Frank said:
You're getting honeydicked!

Goddamn ninja

CrimsonSoul · Jan 20, 2015

fade said:
Maybe he's a robot designed for deep space travel.

synonym for anal sex?

fade · Jan 20, 2015

CrimsonSoul said:
synonym for anal sex?

It was a reference to Making Mr Right.

CrimsonSoul · Jan 20, 2015

fade said:
It was a reference to Making Mr Right.

Oooooohhhhhhhh... I don't get it.

fade · Jan 20, 2015

That was the plot. The protagonist falls for this perfect guy who turns out to be an android duplicate of a scientist that he designed to send into deep space. Played by John Malkovich With Hair.