The General Joke/One-Liners Thread

Dave

Staff member
it's a boogeyman like "hipster" and "militant feminist" that people make up so they can keep making jokes that make people feel subhuman
It's telling that you pick and choose what's funny and what's not - and what others are allowed to find funny - based on your own warped sense of social justice. I notice you said nothing about the first joke which poked fun at white people claiming native american heritage for college purposes. Oh, but jokes about SJWs are bad? Or transgendered people? I see. So humor is okay as long as it fits within your own sensibilities.

That's not how humor or comedy works. And you can try and throw out all the terrible jokes you want to justify to yourself how much better than us you are, but all you are doing is showing your own intolerance with everything else that doesn't fit into your own paradigm.

Now, we can take this to another thread if you want. From here on out it's jokes or explanations of said jokes. Anything else will be removed. And if you continue to be a condescending humorless shithead, I will threadban you so you can throw a fit somewhere else.
 
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Want to hear a dirty joke?
An Elephant fell in the mud.
Want to hear an even dirtier one?
It fell in again


And now for my Sister's favourite joke ever since she was small. She's older than me btw:

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead!



She still laughs at that one. And I'll admit, I do too somewhat.
 

fade

Staff member
The monkey one always makes me laugh, too. I first heard it from a physics professor, whose favorite homework problem was to find a firing solution to take out a monkey dropping from a branch using a given weapon.
 
What do you call a cow that cannot produce milk?

Udder disappointment.

What do you call a cow that tried to jump over a barbed-wire fence, but didn't quite make it?

Udder disaster.
 
Spoilering for extreme tastelessness and grossness. You have been warned.

What's grosser than gross?

A ten babies stapled to one tree.

What's grosser than that?
One baby stapled to ten trees.
 
Spoilering for extreme tastelessness and grossness. You have been warned.

What's grosser than gross?

A ten babies stapled to one tree.

What's grosser than that?
One baby stapled to ten trees.
When I heard it, it was "in a trash can" and "1 in 10 trashcans".
 
Blind man with a seeing-eye dog comes into a bar, picks up his dog, throws it into the air and swings it around by it's leash.
Bartender says, "My god man, what are you doing!?"
Blind man, "Just looking around."
 
Consistently vulgar language and immature humor warning:

Two assholes are talking. The first asshole says, "You should see my neighbors. The two guys next door are nuts and they keep hanging around with a real dick." The second asshole says, "Yeah? Well my neighbor's a real see you next tuesday!"
 
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