Rant VIII: The Reckoning
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So my life has been pretty fantastic for a while now, I certainly have no cause to complain. That doesn't preclude the odd severe curveball being thrown at me.
My mother and crazy-ex are still friends on FB. CrazyEx was lamenting her anxiety for today and how she was hoping the nausea would just pass, the typical passive-aggressive cries for attention which my mother dutifully fell for.
A private conversation between them reveals that CrazyEx was just diagnosed with Stage 2 cervical cancer and she blames me for it. She may lose the ability to have kids (Or what I would consider more important: her life). Obviously this isn't the greatest news in the world to receive, especially for someone who carries as guilty a conscience as I do about everything. My mother tried to downplay the message when she passed it on to me but I think that's her trying to protect me more than anything.
The worst part is having to call the current GF and explain what's going on and how it may mean I have HPV and she should get tested to be on the safe side and blah blah blah.
Feels pretty horrible.
My mother and crazy-ex are still friends on FB. CrazyEx was lamenting her anxiety for today and how she was hoping the nausea would just pass, the typical passive-aggressive cries for attention which my mother dutifully fell for.
A private conversation between them reveals that CrazyEx was just diagnosed with Stage 2 cervical cancer and she blames me for it. She may lose the ability to have kids (Or what I would consider more important: her life). Obviously this isn't the greatest news in the world to receive, especially for someone who carries as guilty a conscience as I do about everything. My mother tried to downplay the message when she passed it on to me but I think that's her trying to protect me more than anything.
The worst part is having to call the current GF and explain what's going on and how it may mean I have HPV and she should get tested to be on the safe side and blah blah blah.
Feels pretty horrible.
Dave
Staff member
It's raining really hard.
In the basement. We had moved everything away from the area that had experienced the leaks, but when the kids moved back in they moved everything into that side. So is raining on all of our storage stuff. I moved the really, really important stuff like pictures, but it's going to be a pain in the ass to go through and find out what's ruined.
In the basement. We had moved everything away from the area that had experienced the leaks, but when the kids moved back in they moved everything into that side. So is raining on all of our storage stuff. I moved the really, really important stuff like pictures, but it's going to be a pain in the ass to go through and find out what's ruined.
My wife got home late; I could tell something was wrong. She had just got off the phone with her mom, who's been diagnosed with breast cancer. It seems they caught it early, and while the road to recovery is going to be hard and painful, she should hopefully recover.
My wife also learned today that her great-grandmother died decades ago from breast cancer. Seems it runs in her family, so she needs to begin having examinations ASAP. I told her I'll support whatever she wants to do to handle this, even if she decides to stop the problem at its source, but I can tell she's scared both for her mom and for herself.[DOUBLEPOST=1410320590,1410320543][/DOUBLEPOST](I can't resist):
My wife also learned today that her great-grandmother died decades ago from breast cancer. Seems it runs in her family, so she needs to begin having examinations ASAP. I told her I'll support whatever she wants to do to handle this, even if she decides to stop the problem at its source, but I can tell she's scared both for her mom and for herself.[DOUBLEPOST=1410320590,1410320543][/DOUBLEPOST](I can't resist):
And nothing about it is forbidden.
My girlfriend woke up to a text from her boss saying EVERYONE in her division got laid off. Which is fucking insane. It creates any number of problems and complications in her life. And she was damn good at her job, too. Apparently most everyone else just sucked so bad that they weren't worth it anymore. She has other job prospects, sure, but none that would fit so well into her life. She's looking at a massive increase in commute time, and/or a loss of flexibility that let her spend time with her daughter.
And from a selfish point of view, I'm worried this is going to derail the modest progress she and I had made repairing damage from the fighting we did last week. God dammit.
Today looked so promising, too.
And from a selfish point of view, I'm worried this is going to derail the modest progress she and I had made repairing damage from the fighting we did last week. God dammit.
Today looked so promising, too.
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fade
Staff member
I begged and pleaded with my wife not to buy a house in Louisiana, right at the top of the bubble (which we didn't know then, so I don't hold that part against her). But she insisted, and due to moving in 5 years (which I anticipated) at the bottom of the recession (which I did not), we will probably never be able to buy a house again. This bugs me because I have been fiscally responsible my whole life. I have a near-perfect credit score, and I make an assload of money. But we saved for years for that down payment, and poof, it's all gone. Now she insists we live in this neighborhood, where we rent at a rate that prevents us from saving much. So we'll probably rent for the rest of our lives. Which is kind of depressing. On top of that, this neighborhood just got reclassified in the tax system as "design and build", which is tax-speak for "the old houses are teardowns, and we're going to tax the people out of them".
I know. FWP. I could easily afford a house in another neighborhood, but only if I want to move there alone, if you get my meaning. I can honestly say I never envisioned my life like this. I swore I'd never enter the oil biz or live in Houston, and now I do both. I wanted to be a prof at a small town university, but that never happened due to the recession. Right now is when the faculty postings usually come out, and they are all adjuncts. I'm not exaggerating, either. I have seen precisely zero postings for my specialty that are not adjunct positions. This is the new faculty, and it will be for the foreseeable future.
I know. FWP. I could easily afford a house in another neighborhood, but only if I want to move there alone, if you get my meaning. I can honestly say I never envisioned my life like this. I swore I'd never enter the oil biz or live in Houston, and now I do both. I wanted to be a prof at a small town university, but that never happened due to the recession. Right now is when the faculty postings usually come out, and they are all adjuncts. I'm not exaggerating, either. I have seen precisely zero postings for my specialty that are not adjunct positions. This is the new faculty, and it will be for the foreseeable future.
What is your field? Geology or petroleum engineering? I'll keep an eye open.
fade
Staff member
Geophysics, actually. Specializing in electromagnetic methods and probability modeling. I should clarify that I was a professor for 5 years, but I left voluntarily. Long story short, Houston and the oil biz were the lesser evils when it came to that university.
GasBandit
Staff member
Just couldn't take the Marching Owl Band for just one more second, eh?
Yeah, University just don't hire full-time faculty anymore. Even positions that should be full time faculty are "temporary 10 month positions", in which they lay you off for 2 months, then make you re-apply. It's all part of the Academic Death Spiral that our educational system is in.
So sad to see it from the inside. I kind of wonder if overhauling tenure might help fix the problem. But really one of the issues is a glut of PhDs coming into the market (and old-school PhDs hanging in there into their 70s.) So finding cheap teachers is easier and easier.
Reduce it all by an order of magnitude, and you've practically got my situation. You get hugs.
--Patrick
You know what. Im sick of people ragging on how everything is unhealthy. Here is the deal, we all eat way to much. The shit that is shelf stable is full of bad shit, but apperantly the majority of us lack the time or money for good food. Im straight up sick of getting harassed for having a single donut and a cup of black coffee for breakfast! Im sick of getting attitude everywhere about how I am fucking up in every way possible while those who sling insuations are just as GUILTY. We are all just trying our best. I dont want to be 250 lbs and barely able to move. I am trying to fix it, but its hard! Im not a prime specimen, I am crippled and genetically cursed! I am sorry that I am not a paragon like all of you perfect humans who eat perfect and get your hour of hardcore exercise everyday! Im fat and broken, and being told over and over how I am fucking terrible for not being perfect doesnt help me at all!
EDIT: and whats worse for me is being told by my healthy "friends" that they dont have time to help someone like me. I know I am not like a great exercise partner atm, all I want to do is go for a walk for an hour and just get some activity in. I know I can't play sports yet or run with you, but if you help me maybe someday I might be able to!
THIS, THIS IS WHY PEOPLE ARE DRIVEN TO DO HORRIBLE THINGS TO THEMSELVES!
...it is just lucky I am use to this kind of treatment and it only hurts a little these days to be told I am inferior and unwelcome.
EDIT: and whats worse for me is being told by my healthy "friends" that they dont have time to help someone like me. I know I am not like a great exercise partner atm, all I want to do is go for a walk for an hour and just get some activity in. I know I can't play sports yet or run with you, but if you help me maybe someday I might be able to!
THIS, THIS IS WHY PEOPLE ARE DRIVEN TO DO HORRIBLE THINGS TO THEMSELVES!
...it is just lucky I am use to this kind of treatment and it only hurts a little these days to be told I am inferior and unwelcome.
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The people who treat you this way suck. Plain and simple. Trying to be active when injured or sick is so difficult and the people who make these comments to you have no idea.
what exactly are you trying to insinuate sir? I would suggest you pick your rebuttle carefully, if your plan was to suggest that I am unaware of what it is to be part of a disadvantaged group.
I was born with Cerebal Palsy and a frozen ankle(basically I lack a ankle joint in my left foot). I never complained or asked for help, and made do and adapted. got treated like a retard(in the medical sense) still got shit done. despite having limited motor control and a fucked up brain, learned to walk, figured out how to write, got the handle on zippers, buttons and tieing my shoes. I am a fucking inferior specimen, I should not have lived, but I am here and I am trying to do my family proud by not dying of something I can control. I am just in a bad mood I guess....
What you do every day is far more of an accomplishment to me than those people's "hardcoreness" at the gym for an hour.
Have you told the people saying this how you feel?
... what?
Actually that is kind of what I was saying...about you, about me, about everyone. Everyone knows what it's like to be part of a disadvantaged group, because pretty much everyone is part of a disadvantaged group of one sort of another. However, what people don't realize is the cross-applicability of that situation. You may be fully aware of what it's like to be a member of your disadvantaged group, but that doesn't automatically give you insight into what it's like to belong to some other group. Having Cerebral Palsy does not grant you insight into what it's like to lack access to fresh water or have aphasia, for instance.
I have no doubt that you understand what it is like to be disadvantaged, and my comment was constructed to suggest that, when dealing with someone who is disadvantaged via some situation which you do not share, to try and keep in mind how naturally easy it is to be dismissive of their issue, and to suggest that not understanding their issue doesn't make it any less valid. I do it, you do it, everybody does it (usually unconsciously and therefore excusably) and I am just pointing out that it happens, and suggesting a method by which a person might put one's self into another's shoes, even if it is not an exact fit.
A bit of a warning, though. If taken too far, there is the possibility of getting all SJW about something you only think you understand, and that leads to other problems.
--Patrick
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Im with him. So basically im told stop bitching youre just as bad as the people you complain about on different things you dont understand.
I think I actually understand LESS of what he meant now.
No, keep bitching. It will raise awareness.
I'm not trying to punish anybody. I'm just trying to open people's minds to more possibilities, that's all.
You might have assumed that, because I quoted your post, that I was directing my comment specifically at you, when in fact I was directing it at "the reader."[DOUBLEPOST=1410715739,1410715578][/DOUBLEPOST]
@Bones, I didn't attack you. @Forum_Reader (yes, that's you!), I hope your mind is a little more open now.
--Patrick
I'm not trying to punish anybody. I'm just trying to open people's minds to more possibilities, that's all.
You might have assumed that, because I quoted your post, that I was directing my comment specifically at you, when in fact I was directing it at "the reader."[DOUBLEPOST=1410715739,1410715578][/DOUBLEPOST]
This is what happens when I try to meticulously craft a post full of significant content while I'm at work where I get interrupted every 25 seconds. My bad. Let me try to summarize:
@Bones, I didn't attack you. @Forum_Reader (yes, that's you!), I hope your mind is a little more open now.
--Patrick
I've had to say this before, but--you do realize this is the rant thread? For people to vent about their issues?
That... that's not how conversation works. When you reply to someone, that is a direct implication that you are talking to them. If one then addresses a third party or indirect audience, one needs to make that intention clear: instead of saying "you", one should address "people" or "the reader", etc.
Yes. Should I not try to help?[DOUBLEPOST=1410716109,1410715879][/DOUBLEPOST]
I wish English were better about this, I really do. But it's easy to be unclear what with so many meanings of "you." There's the general you, the singular you, the plural you, etc. Why'd we have to get rid of "ye?" Things would be so much easier.
Also, it's hard to always say "one" when I actually want my sentence to speak directly to that one, which would necessitate the use of "you," again. Also, in text, there is no clear way for me to turn around and speak to the camera, which is another thing that would make my meaning clear.
I guess this counts as a rant about the failings of English syntax and not meeting my needs. Bah.
--Patrick
Blame the tools, that'll show us.
English was not at fault here. If you want to address an indirect audience, there are ways of doing that without being mistaken for addressing the person you were replying to. Instead of "and now you understand..." one could say "And now people can understand" - obviously in the second one you're addressing an indirect, general audience instead of Bones.
It's a misconception on people's problems though. Sometimes people want advice, like in the Health and Help and Advice and such sub-forum, and sometimes people just need to vent, which is this thread and its sibling threads.
I know you've been trying to help people on here, but sometimes what seems from your side to be intended as sagely advice with a fresh perspective, it comes off as bizarre and in this instance insulting. You remember in the Robin Williams thread, when you advised Nick on how to watch What Dreams May Come after William's passing, and Nick's reaction was confusion? The reason is because that's not the kind of thing you say to someone who's grieving; at least not when it's raw. In this case, this isn't the kind of thing you say to someone who's been alienated from their friends.
Sometimes, when we want to help someone, it does well to consider less what we want to say to them and more what they need to hear.
I can't blame the tools. Just my lack of talent at using them.
I've already gone on record several times saying that superior talent can overcome inferior tools, and I'm not gonna change my position now.
--Patrick