Cajungal
Staff member
And to ask for a tip afterwards is just over the line.
Rant VIII: The Reckoning
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I know it wasn't you, he had a flappy butt, not flappy hooties.
The sign says "Employees must wash hands." I've been waiting for an employee to wash my hands for 30 minutes...
We're DINKs, still have no money.
Then you need to update your location.
For stupid reasons I feel the need to keep on smiling in real life. But I am miserable right now. I feel heavy, like weight is just hanging on me. I have no enthusiasm or joy at the moment. And you, my lovely internet friends, are the only ones I can say that to right now.
I mean, I woke up this morning and immediately felt disappointed. I was disappointed I had to rejoin reality and keep living out my current situation. And I feel like if I vocalize it, the situation will only get worse. So I keep trudging along, hoping the story will change. But goddamn am I exhausted right now. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually exhausted.
I mean, I woke up this morning and immediately felt disappointed. I was disappointed I had to rejoin reality and keep living out my current situation. And I feel like if I vocalize it, the situation will only get worse. So I keep trudging along, hoping the story will change. But goddamn am I exhausted right now. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually exhausted.
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You know what fucking Navy bastards, you can go get stuck in your fucking asses with a broken glass dildo. My husband, who was told we would be staying here in Hawaii until he retires next year, just got notice to get overseas screening for him and his family in the next 30 days. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!!??
That sucks @WasabiPoptart - I hope you all get to stay. My buddy from H.S. is a CSM in the Army and they move him every 5 years or so. It's got to be rough on the kiddos. How can the screening preclude you all? Good luck!
Dave
Staff member
More than likely it's a precaution against the ramp-up of hostilities overseas. They are making sure everyone gets seen before it becomes a big issue. Nothing to be worried about until orders come down.
We could get moved every 2-3 years. However, due to my husband's back injury a couple of years ago and a few mix ups on the Navy's part we ended up staying in Hawaii for a much longer time than his original orders were for. Now that he's less than a year away from retirement, he was told that we would just stay here because it is makes no sense financially for the government to pay for us to move only to move us again in several months.
It is tough on kids, but you prepare them as best you can. Working on building resilience is very important so they get through moves and deployments easier.
Screening really only precludes us if someone has a medical or developmental issue that they couldn't handle at the next duty station. We have a friend whose daughter has severe kidney problems. It keeps them from getting stationed in a lot of places, even here in the US, because of the number of specialists she needs.
BUT I just got an email that it was all a mix up. They didn't have his letter of intent for retirement on file - since he wasn't told he needed to do it yet. Bunch of disorganized douche-canoes.
It is tough on kids, but you prepare them as best you can. Working on building resilience is very important so they get through moves and deployments easier.
Screening really only precludes us if someone has a medical or developmental issue that they couldn't handle at the next duty station. We have a friend whose daughter has severe kidney problems. It keeps them from getting stationed in a lot of places, even here in the US, because of the number of specialists she needs.
BUT I just got an email that it was all a mix up. They didn't have his letter of intent for retirement on file - since he wasn't told he needed to do it yet. Bunch of disorganized douche-canoes.
GasBandit
Staff member
You can't see it, but if you zoom in, the are named things like "Summer's Eve" and "Massengil" on their prows.
They usually don't do that though. At least not in my experience over the last 12 years. This normally means orders are imminent as long as everyone passes the medical screening. Except now this is all one big oopsie and it's the Navy making sure my anxiety meds are really working (not that I really believe that, but sheesh).
I'm so pissed still that I can't tell the difference between eminent and imminent.
I figured on and off for the last couple years that when I turn 30 tomorrow it would be uneventful and depressing. Considering how I feel about it today, tomorrow is going to be difficult.
DUMMMMMMP HERRRRRRRR
To be fair, she did not say those words. She just told me that she feels her life has been a mess for the last few months, and our relationship is one aspect of that. She also told me she feels she's just waiting for things to go right "for once," including with us.
When I asked her if she thought that the time we've been together has been a positive overall in her life, she hesitated and gave me some bullshit dodge.
Now, it's strange to me that she now views our relationship as some horrid mess overall given that things went pretty damn well for the first 6 months. We had a rough start, then happiness for an extended period of time. I'm 100% sure she's cherry-picking complications we've had to create a story that better fits with her current foul mood.
I just don't know what to do. She's been cold and withdrawn for a few days now after a nasty argument, and every time I feel like we start to rebuild she comes back a few hours later with another shot about being unhappy. I've been understanding and trying to talk it out with her, but I'm reaching my limit. I don't want things to end, because when they were working they were fantastic. But I don't know if she'll ever let herself get back to that point, or if she's going to continue to fixate on our issue.
When I asked her if she thought that the time we've been together has been a positive overall in her life, she hesitated and gave me some bullshit dodge.
Now, it's strange to me that she now views our relationship as some horrid mess overall given that things went pretty damn well for the first 6 months. We had a rough start, then happiness for an extended period of time. I'm 100% sure she's cherry-picking complications we've had to create a story that better fits with her current foul mood.
I just don't know what to do. She's been cold and withdrawn for a few days now after a nasty argument, and every time I feel like we start to rebuild she comes back a few hours later with another shot about being unhappy. I've been understanding and trying to talk it out with her, but I'm reaching my limit. I don't want things to end, because when they were working they were fantastic. But I don't know if she'll ever let herself get back to that point, or if she's going to continue to fixate on our issue.
Apparently she was unhappy about a certain something in our relationship for months and didn't communicate it to me clearly. I thought it was a minor problem, and it wasn't until she blew up that realized how much it hurt her. She even admitted to the fact that she should have said something sooner. But now I'm expected to fix everything, I've been told to do it ASAP (because each day that passes loses her a little more), and then I was told the fact that this issue even exists in the first place bothers her...
I don't know what more there is to say. I feel like I'm the one expected to make all the changes, I'm the only one putting in effort (apparently her "patience" during these last few months were she hid how upset she was is her portion of the effort), and half the time I don't fully know where her mind is at. When I asked her how to fix this, she actually said "build a time machine." How the fuck am I supposed to improve or change something when she just gives up like that?
What I really want to say is "I'll fight and change as much as needed to make this work, but you have to be willing to work with me and stop holding it against me. I'd rather focus on change than blame." But I don't know how well she would take that.
EDIT: Also, I'm sorry for hijacking this thread with my relationship bullshit. I should have stuck this in the whine thread.
I don't know what more there is to say. I feel like I'm the one expected to make all the changes, I'm the only one putting in effort (apparently her "patience" during these last few months were she hid how upset she was is her portion of the effort), and half the time I don't fully know where her mind is at. When I asked her how to fix this, she actually said "build a time machine." How the fuck am I supposed to improve or change something when she just gives up like that?
What I really want to say is "I'll fight and change as much as needed to make this work, but you have to be willing to work with me and stop holding it against me. I'd rather focus on change than blame." But I don't know how well she would take that.
EDIT: Also, I'm sorry for hijacking this thread with my relationship bullshit. I should have stuck this in the whine thread.
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DUMMMMMMP HERRRRRRRR.
edit: More seriously, she's not good for you. A relationship is about dialogue and cooperation - not about one person being tasked with the responsibility to fix all things while the other 'enjoys' the fruits of their labour. I would disagree with stienman that you need to win her heart because she's not making her heart winnable. You're kinda up shit creek without a paddle at this point in time, and as tough as it is, it's probably time to move on.
second edit: That's the point of this thread, don't feel bad man
edit: More seriously, she's not good for you. A relationship is about dialogue and cooperation - not about one person being tasked with the responsibility to fix all things while the other 'enjoys' the fruits of their labour. I would disagree with stienman that you need to win her heart because she's not making her heart winnable. You're kinda up shit creek without a paddle at this point in time, and as tough as it is, it's probably time to move on.
second edit: That's the point of this thread, don't feel bad man
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I'm not your therapist but man, she doesn't sound like she's interested in working together to do much of anything. Saying, "Fix this, get a time machine, etc" that's not how healthy people work on making relationships better.
I'd say try couples counseling if she will go for it, if she won't... well... I hate to say it but... you can't save a relationship the other person won't work on.
I'd say try couples counseling if she will go for it, if she won't... well... I hate to say it but... you can't save a relationship the other person won't work on.
Cajungal
Staff member
One of the reasons why the fella and I had issues recently is because I'd put too much on him. Every now and then, if a person gets lazy, he/she can forget that no one is responsible for your happiness but you. I was trying to make every little dissatisfaction his problem. The hilarious thing is that I wasn't even feeling unhappy about us, really. It was a lot of other BS that I wasn't dealing with properly. To be fair, there were some things that I needed him to work on for both our sakes, and that was resolved fairly quickly. If I hadn't dragged a lot of other nonsense into the situation, it would have all been over a lot sooner.
The situations just sound similar to me. If a person puts forth effort--even if it doesn't completely fix or help things--that effort needs to be acknowledged and appreciated. If she can't even recognize how preoccupied you are with making things right, it's not fair to you. And if she expects her life to get better with someone else pulling her emotional weight, she's in for a long and difficult life. Because that's no one's job but hers. Of course, a good partner will support you and do everything they can to help you. But her happiness is on her. The significant other is just gravy.
I wish you the absolute best, because you deserve happiness too. And you should work toward that in whatever way you need to. Whatever that means. *big hug*
The situations just sound similar to me. If a person puts forth effort--even if it doesn't completely fix or help things--that effort needs to be acknowledged and appreciated. If she can't even recognize how preoccupied you are with making things right, it's not fair to you. And if she expects her life to get better with someone else pulling her emotional weight, she's in for a long and difficult life. Because that's no one's job but hers. Of course, a good partner will support you and do everything they can to help you. But her happiness is on her. The significant other is just gravy.
I wish you the absolute best, because you deserve happiness too. And you should work toward that in whatever way you need to. Whatever that means. *big hug*
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Everything about this is truth.
I course, I have to ask what the issue is that she wants you to suddenly fix right away, to know if she's being completely unreasonable. Sometimes people succumb to the pressure of what they think is normal societal thinking and are afraid of being a giant ass for bringing things up that bug them.
I still agree that it's not a good reason for not communicating, but I'm not going to automatically take sides without knowing a whole story. (I don't expect you to answer if it's something you'd rather keep private, just pointing out that I don't know the actual issue at play)
I still agree that it's not a good reason for not communicating, but I'm not going to automatically take sides without knowing a whole story. (I don't expect you to answer if it's something you'd rather keep private, just pointing out that I don't know the actual issue at play)
Preach on brother, preach on!
Cajungal
Staff member
And then I suppose you want the moon.
I'm sure we can find someone to moon them.
There is some really great advice in this thread. You have my 'slow clap' halforums.
/no, not that clap
/no, not that clap
doomdragon6
Staff member
@Tress
You've already gotten a good bit of advice, but I was in that relationship for a while. The only thing is, I was on the other side. If someone is thinking that things just need to end, they're going to make it happen. They'll drag it out a long time. I dragged it out for over a year. Talk with her. See what exactly her feelings are. And then I would say you should probably just end it, unless something else comes of that.
There is nothing worse than an emotionally draining relationship. I would rather be alone and work on my own happiness than be in a relationship where you are constantly stressed out, even if "the good" is "good".
After having gone through my unhealthy relationship and breakup, I can recognize other people's, and when I talk to them about it, they never say they stay in the relationship because "Things are great!" or "I think things can get good again." The answer is "I'm already too far into it.."
It sounds like she needs time to herself to figure things out. Give her that time, maybe even ease into it with a break. Maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't. Whatever happens is how it should be.
You've already gotten a good bit of advice, but I was in that relationship for a while. The only thing is, I was on the other side. If someone is thinking that things just need to end, they're going to make it happen. They'll drag it out a long time. I dragged it out for over a year. Talk with her. See what exactly her feelings are. And then I would say you should probably just end it, unless something else comes of that.
There is nothing worse than an emotionally draining relationship. I would rather be alone and work on my own happiness than be in a relationship where you are constantly stressed out, even if "the good" is "good".
After having gone through my unhealthy relationship and breakup, I can recognize other people's, and when I talk to them about it, they never say they stay in the relationship because "Things are great!" or "I think things can get good again." The answer is "I'm already too far into it.."
It sounds like she needs time to herself to figure things out. Give her that time, maybe even ease into it with a break. Maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't. Whatever happens is how it should be.
When @doomdragon6 is giving you relationship advice, you know you're in trouble!
I completely understand wanting to know more specifics. If I felt comfortable sharing, I would. But it's a very personal issue for the two of us.
Having said that, I'm ranting. I don't want anyone to think they have to choose a side. She's got some valid complaints. Frankly, the whole issue sucks and we both could have handled it better. But that's in hindsight. I made the best choices I could at the time, as did she.