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  2. Welcome to Halforums!

    At Halforums, we value everyone's input. Please feel free to post without having to create an account. You will have to complete a few more steps than a full member and have to put up with this annoying notice on every page. If you want to join, click Register and start talking!

    Already a member? Login Now!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Welcome to Halforums!

    At Halforums, we value everyone's input. Please feel free to post without having to create an account. You will have to complete a few more steps than a full member and have to put up with this annoying notice on every page. If you want to join, click Register and start talking!

    Already a member? Login Now!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. Welcome to Halforums!

    At Halforums, we value everyone's input. Please feel free to post without having to create an account. You will have to complete a few more steps than a full member and have to put up with this annoying notice on every page. If you want to join, click Register and start talking!

    Already a member? Login Now!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. Welcome to Halforums!

    At Halforums, we value everyone's input. Please feel free to post without having to create an account. You will have to complete a few more steps than a full member and have to put up with this annoying notice on every page. If you want to join, click Register and start talking!

    Already a member? Login Now!
    Dismiss Notice
  6. Welcome to Halforums!

    At Halforums, we value everyone's input. Please feel free to post without having to create an account. You will have to complete a few more steps than a full member and have to put up with this annoying notice on every page. If you want to join, click Register and start talking!

    Already a member? Login Now!
    Dismiss Notice

New Profile Posts

  1. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    I have two settings: "Sleep is for the weak" and "Sleeping for a week."
    1. PatrThom
      PatrThom
      Is there a setting for "Sleep-eat your physique?"
      Feb 27, 2017 at 8:32 PM
  2. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    If your GF/Wife has a friend you find annoying, simply mention offhandedly at random that the friend is pretty. Problem will solve itself.
    1. PatrThom
      PatrThom
      That could backfire, y'know. Best be prepared for either outcome.
      Feb 24, 2017 at 8:09 PM
  3. Pudding
    Pudding
    Bork the Viking
  4. snihsen
    snihsen
    The last time I was on this forum, I was 15 years old. Holy crap.
    1. PatrThom
      PatrThom
      You're only as old as your dad makes you feel sometimes.
      Feb 12, 2017
  5. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    Fee Fee Fi Fi Fo Fo Fum, I smell smoke in the au-di-to-ri-um
  6. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    Interior crocodile alligator. I drive a Chevrolet movie theater.
    1. mroosc1979
      mroosc1979
      "Interior crocodile alligator"? Are you claiming to be an otherkin?!
      Jan 17, 2017
    2. GasBandit
  7. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    Make guns illegal! Because it worked so well for drugs, right?
  8. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    One of the difficult things about being single again is trying to find a good reason to shower on days I don't go in to work.
  9. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    You ever just feel like a gooey wad of festering, caustic venom encased in a candy shell of politeness and amiability?
    1. PatrThom
      PatrThom
      No. There have been a few times I've felt like caged vengeance, but not venom.
      Dec 28, 2016
  10. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    Every corpse on Everest was once an extremely motivated person. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
    1. PatrThom
      PatrThom
      "Even if you don't succeed, you might still serve as a cautionary tale for those who follow."
      Dec 21, 2016
      Null likes this.
  11. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    That one rogue hair on your forehead that shows you where your hairline used to be. When it grows out, it's like running into an awkward ex.
  12. Gruebeard
    Gruebeard
    Missing the option to rename myself
  13. stienman
    stienman TotallyNotFade
    I seeeee youuuuu...
  14. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    People my age get so worked up about Star Wars because they've been making payments on it since they were kids but they'll never own it.
    1. Dei likes this.
  15. JCM
    JCM
    My 8-year old made me watch Guardians of the Galaxy twice yesterday & wants to go to the family Christmas party as a Christmas Groot.
    1. stienman and PatrThom like this.
    2. PatrThom
      PatrThom
      Admit it, this would not be the weirdest thing you have ever done.
      Jan 25, 2017
      JCM likes this.
  16. BananaHands
    BananaHands
    I work nights so I'll probably be posting at obscene hours.
  17. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    "Don't call me racist until you've tried taking Korean clients to a Japanese restaurant." -Overheard in a Goldman Sachs elevator
    1. stienman likes this.
  18. JCM
    JCM
    Reeled back in. So many threads to go through.
    1. PatrThom
      PatrThom
      No rush. Take your time. We'll make more.
      Nov 22, 2016
      JCM likes this.
  19. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    "Political Correctness is fascism pretending to be manners." - George Carlin
    1. PatrThom likes this.
    2. PatrThom
      PatrThom
      This quote is confirmed as "genuine Carlin," unlike many of the other ones out there attributed to him.
      Nov 18, 2016
  20. Emrys
    Emrys
    We come to steal your socks.
  21. Gruebeard
    Gruebeard
    oh. I thought you were gonna say they can both blow your brains out
  22. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    Women are like guns - they recoil when I hold them.
    1. PatrThom
      PatrThom
      Do any of them go off half-cocked?
      Oct 26, 2016
    2. Null
      Null
      If they're recoiling when you hold them, it sounds like there's a problem with an oversensitive trigger causing premature detonation. Girls with oversensitive triggers can be avoided by steering clear of tumblr.
      Oct 26, 2016
  23. Null
    Null
    Telling someone to suck your dick is passe. Telling someone to suck BOTH your dicks, however, will catch them off guard. Way more effective.
  24. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    I don't think people appreciate how much effort I put into not becoming a serial killer.
    1. PatrThom
      PatrThom
      Right there with you, pal.
      Oct 7, 2016
  25. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    If you're not the one paying for something, you're what's being sold. Expect to be treated as their product, not a customer.
  26. Gruebeard
    Gruebeard
    I'd put up with no blowjobs if she spent her money on me
  27. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    Taylor Swift has 100 songs about guys leaving her and 0 songs about blowjobs. I think we all see correlation here.
  28. Gruebeard
    Gruebeard
    Hollow. So Hollow
  29. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    How many stupid people are alive today because lawn darts were banned in the 80s?
  30. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    It's best not to accept oral sex from someone with a history of uncontrolled seizures.
  31. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    Songs I can't sing alone because the backup and lead vocals overlap are a constant source of irritation to me. Wake me up insiCAN'T WAKE UP
    1. PatrThom
      PatrThom
      You must hate singing along to R.E.M.
      May 31, 2016
      Null likes this.
  32. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    We're all just 5 liters of blood sloshing around in a big meaty bag, turning food into poop and trying to fuck a little.
  33. GasBandit
    GasBandit
    You ever notice that supervillains are always the ones trying to change things, and super "heroes" are the ones resisting change?
    1. Null
      Null
      Yes, but changing from "a vibrant civilization" into a "blasted wasteland of nuclear fallout" is not a *positive* change.
      Oct 26, 2016
  34. Gruebeard
    Gruebeard
    And now, for something slightly different: Drinking Boddingtons
  35. Gruebeard
    Gruebeard
    Again, drinking Guinness